Crippled with anxiety
Hello, forgive me if this is not the appropriate place but I am crippled with anxiety and stress convincing myself that I am positive. 11/9 I had protected anal sex with a trans sex worker, I was the top. The act lasted only a couple minutes as I wasn’t in to it and started to go soft. Condom seemed intact. Only thing that was unprotected was oral and that was brief as well. Two weeks later I developed a stubborn sore throat that lasted about a week that went away on its own with no other symptoms. Two weeks ago in December I started having mild urethra irritation and burning sensation while peeing. Figured it was just an UTI until I developed slight abdominal pain and had discharge one morning. It was last Sunday 12/19 I immediately went through tele health and was prescribed antibiotics for clamydia/gonorrea. Symptoms have generally gone away for the most part and I have a couple more days of doxyclyine. Still have abdominal pain and groin discomfort but most likely side effects of the doxy. I have not had a test for the STI so it could it still be anything else but I have convinced myself I am infected. What has me petrified is that I used a condom and still caught an STI and it has me worried that being hiv positive is inevitable. It has crippled me with anxiety and it has me thinking of what I’m going to tell my children and family.
I'm glad you reached out because I can tell from your writing that you're dealing with a lot of anxiety and worry. It's not easy to reach out, so I'm glad you did.
First, in the case of transmission through oral sex, the risk is at the lower end of the spectrum compared to unprotected vaginal or anal sex. We are not medical professionals who would be able to determine your specific level of risk, but you can learn more about the specifics of transmission through this article: https://h-i-v.net/transmission. The five fluids HIV can be transmitted through are breast milk, blood, precum, semen, and vaginal secretions (not saliva.)
That being said, you still may choose to get a test. In fact, the CDC recommends that people get an HIV test annually as part of normal care, and sometimes knowing what to expect can ease your mind.
Finally, remember there are many false messages out there about living with HIV that can feed this anxiety. I know you are worried about a positive result. If that is the case, we can help you connect with a community of many people living with HIV and managing very, very well. I hope you keep us posted on how you are doing and that we can support you! - Liz (Team Member)🫂 I have 3 kids. My daughter is 18. She is a older soul. Loves vinyl. Her favorite band is Queen. The day I got diagnosed it was like my entire life rushing before my eyes and all I could think of was my daughter watching me waste away like Freddie. The doctor protected me from my family that day. And its not easy but I am here and as healthy as can be. I weigh what I did in high school since drinking is not the best option with the liver and kidneys being taxed by antivirals. It will be ok. Those that leave were never meant to be there for you and if that happens you will find better more accepting people like I have. I hope this helps I know its scary. The worst part is for me is its a lasting gift from being trafficked and that makes me so furious especially with the news cycle right now. Therapy . Meditate and if you can find a nice witchy friend it helps. Positive mindset is what I got from her. ❤️🫂🙏
From Buffalo NY to you.Hi
. Thank you for sharing and glad that you have found a good place. Yes, it is important to find the people that are right to have in your life. Our contributor Tahirah wrote here about the need to let go of toxic relationships: https://h-i-v.net/living/let-go-toxic-relationships. Wishing you the best. Richard (Team Member)
Alafia (Peace) Thank you for sharing so transparently. I struggled to find a way to tell my children and family. Ultimately, it had to be done. But we aren't there yet. Your first step is to go get tested for HIV. That may calm your anxiety. Khafre (H-I-V.net Team Member)
