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dealing with your diagnosis

I was diagnosed in 2018 and was in total denial and complete shock. I have a sick feeling deep in my stomach and still do to this day.

I am still unaware where I got hiv and just saying or hear the word sends me in a panic and I feel instantly ashamed.

Only my close family know about my diagnosis and I can't talk about it to them I can't even say or hear the word without stressing.

It's funny how you never hear much about these things but once you get diagnosed with something you hear it all the time. Just watching or hearing it on the TV will send my mind in overdrive and a panic.

You hear that some people that have hiv are very open about it and don't seem to be struggling with the emotional side of it. I can't even say the word never mind telling anyone about it or taking it out.

I would like to hear your view on the subject and if you have same diagnosis how are you coping and was it a shock when you first was told.

  1. I just want to thank you for posting this. There are many here who can relate, and I know your words will speak to them. It is hard to share the truth, and we appreciate you for speaking up. - Liz (Team Member)

    1. I understand how you are feeling. I was in denial for many years before I received my HIV test results. I've Lived with this virus for 30 years, and I assure you, there is nothing to be ashamed of.
      '
      You are correct; many people living with HIV are doing it openly. But that isn't for everyone. We are all on different paths. There is still a lot of stigma but also a lot of hope.


      May I ask, do you have access to HIV counseling services? Talking to someone who would listen without judgment was critical to the voices telling me to be afraid to quiet down.


      Living with HIV can be a heavy burden. I'm happy you reached out and found this site. There are so many amazing HIV advocates here and so many articles and posts that may help you through this time.


      If nothing else, I want you to know that a community of people has been where you are, and we are here if you need us.



      1. I do not have any counseling and never have had any. I don't feel I could talk my feelings out to people face to face and it scares me of the idea of doing that. I believe before many years before my diagnosis I was having a break down and could not talk to anyone then either. I did not know at the time it was a break down and did take me some time to lock it all away and start getting back to my self. I don't think it is a good thing to do it that way as when I am hurt I can't feel the emotions untill I explode with anger or sadness. And don't really know how much i am building up inside and if it could happen again.

        1. Alafia (Peace) I can understand what you are feeling regarding speaking to someone face to face but it very well may be a matter of life and death. As I suggested earlier find a support group and go from there. Khafre (H-I-V.net Team Member)

        2. life and death ?

      2. I don't think I could talk to someone on the phone either as find it hard to get the words out of my mouth or even talk about it. I struggle to say what I am thinking in general words always come out wrong or after the chat has ended.

        1. Before I went to my first counseling session, I spent a long time just writing my thoughts down in a journal. It allowed me to sort my thoughts before I ever attempted to speak to them.

        2. Before I went to my first counseling session, I spent a long time just writing my thoughts down in a journal. It allowed me to sort my thoughts before I ever attempted to speak to them.

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