Resetting and Letting Go
Life for me has been about intensely pursuing routine lately. Occupying my mind with things to do. Being intentional about my time and my thoughts. Staying busy has become a priority, and I’ve noticed it leaves me feeling anxious.
Recognizing my anxiety
In fact, sometimes I feel like I’m being anxious for nothing. I have problems, issues, and obligations, and oftentimes, the attention I give these things outweigh my ability to enjoy life.
Anxiety prevents us from taking action
When I think about my reasons for taking PrEP, I sometimes question if fear is my biggest motivator. These thoughts race through my head and can grow into distractions that can leave me paralyzed to act. My mind and my body both just want me to stop and do nothing.
Managing anxiety with complementary practices
When I am able to embrace nothingness, it does something for me. I stop reacting. I stop thinking and planning. I start to be still. I start to do nothing and be okay with it. I let my reasoning go and allow time for my brain to rest. I allow time for gratitude to flow.
Gratitude for me means to take a step back and look at everything I have in my life at the current moment and give thanks. When faced with emotions that challenge me, I allow myself to experience gratitude.
When depression creeps in, sometimes I experiment with intentionally giving that moment space to exist instead of wishing it away. I let it speak in my mind. Anger, I let it speak in my mind. Once I give the source of emotion voice, it shifts and changes into something else.
I give gratitude to my ‘less than perfect’ moments by letting them have time to express. I have to remind myself that we live in a culture that values people defaulting to happiness and often stigmatizes dispositions that are melancholy or overly emotional.
Coming to the realization that these emotions are here for a reason allows me to bring gratitude to the moment without sugar-coating it or just not being 100 percent real with myself.
Complementary practices like yoga
Alternative medicine practices have been a great complement for my overall health and wellness and, through yoga, I have found a good practice that engages the union of my mind and body.
It helps me to slow down my mind. It helps me to stretch and bend in ways only my body can figure out by doing. By connecting my mind to a task that is mostly physical, I am requiring the two to work together to change, shift and, most importantly, to breathe.
Yoga Nidra practice has been my biggest challenge yet. Yoga Nidra is the yoga practice of quiet meditation without any postures and usually involves being in a comfortable position on the floor.
I love the first part of this class because it does include one movement called temper tantrum. Here I put my feet on the floor and stamp my feet and hands against the floor while slowly letting out air or sound with a tight face. I am able to let loose and safely let go of pent up energy and desire.
The worry, the frustration, the fear, the need to do all get acknowledged here in this moment. Then for the next 20 minutes comes the hard part. I relax, eyes closed, in silence. Doing nothing. Resetting and letting go.
At what age were you diagnosed with HIV?