Bisexuality and HIV in the LGBTQ Community

By Steven Campa

3 min read

I have been an out and proud gay man within the LGBT community for a very long time now. Something that I have noticed within my very own community is that bisexual people struggle from both sides. I feel that their experiences are diminished by people in the straight community, as well as by their brothers and sisters within the LGBT community.

I have heard and seen the straight community perceiving bisexual people as being "confused," while the LGBT community see them at times as undecided on what they want. This year I want to shed light on Bisexuality Day to remind people that bisexual people are part of our community, and we should show them the same support and respect they show us.

Challenging misconceptions about bisexual men

I have been guilty of not wanting to date someone that was bisexual. I can now say that I was completely wrong. My reasoning behind that was the same as many others I have talked to. Other gay men I talked to would say that bisexual men do not know what they want or are too afraid to come out as gay.

I want to publicly express that I use to have this mindset when I was younger, and I want to apologize for it. I should not have judged anyone without even trying to understand.

I currently am in a relationship with someone that now identifies as bisexual. Before my partner started dating me, he identified as straight. He decided to explore his sexuality and we have now been in a long term relationship. I am glad to say this has been the healthiest relationship I have ever had.

My personal journey with a bisexual partner

For a very long time his family did not know about us or that he was now identifying as bisexual. He was scared that once he told them they would tell him that he was "confused." I believe this is the story of many people who are afraid to come out as bisexual.

My partner finally built up the courage recently to tell a few people in his family. Many of them took it well, but, unfortunately, some did not. When he said that he was bisexual, the response was he must pick one or the other.

When I heard this from my partner it really disappointed me. I feel that now because he wants a relationship with me, everyone sees him as gay. I personally do not think that choosing to be with me now should diminish the last 35 years of being with women. I have tried to encourage my partner to live in his truth and be able to express himself as he chooses.

The importance of discussing HIV in relationships

One major discussion within our relationship was the topic of HIV. Early on in our dating stages I sat him down and discussed the high rates of HIV within our community. I let him know that know now that he identifies as bisexual, he is also part of the community. I let him know that according to the CDC, gay and bisexual men accounted for 70 percent of the total 34,800 estimated new HIV infections in the US in 2019.¹

I used this time to talk with him about PrEP and encouraged him to do his research because as he knows, I am living with HIV, and doing everything I can to protect myself and others and he should do the same.

At the end of the day, we are all part of one community. We should all support one another in all our choices especially in who we choose to love. I hope that he continues this path of self-discovery and that he continues to open himself up to me.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The H-I-V.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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Michael_603 Member
This completely resonates with me. For the longest time I refused to date anyone who identified as Bisexual. It wasn't that I perceived them as "confused". I am the type that wants the long-term monogamous relationship and in my mind I believed that by dating someone who identifies as Bisexual that I would end up in some relationship triangle, or I would be the partner that has the relationship on certain days and maybe alternate weekends or some B.S. reason that my mind would come up with. I had a very strong bias. So, I judged an entire group of people based on FEAR or a certain perception and that was wrong. Then out of the blue I happened to meet someone that I developed a very strong friendship with which blossomed into a long-term relationship, and he happens to identify as Bisexual. We have been together in that monogamous relationship, there is no awkwardness, no jealousy, no strange love-triangle that I was so afraid of. My fears and perceptions were completely invalidated in that moment. Had I kept to those beliefs I would not be in the most loving, caring, nurturing, and supportive relationship I had. I would not have a partner who has quite literally gone through the worst and best of times with. Someone who has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. All that would have not happened had I kept to my biases, and for that I have grown in that regards. 
1. LizGreen Community Admin
 <inline-mention username="Michael_603" user-id="9847522"/> thank you for sharing that experience, the growth you have gone through and the loving relationship you've built with your partner are surely an inspiration to others. - Liz (Team Member)
Khafre Kujichagulia Abif Moderator
Alafia (Peace) <inline-mention username="Steven Campa" user-id="2048109"/> I want to thank you for sharing your experience and thoughts regarding this subject. Not many folks who aren't Bisexual ever see it dir themselves and if so calling attention to this is even more rare. Great piece. Khafre (H-I-V.net Team Member)
Asia Lee Member
Thank you for sharing 
1. Richard Faust Community Admin
 Hi <inline-mention username="Asia Lee" user-id="9825071"/>. You're very welcome. Please feel free to let us know if there are other topics about living with HIV that you would like to read/learn more about. Best, Richard (Team Member)