Bisexuality and HIV in the LGBTQ Community

I have been an out and proud gay man within the LGBT community for a very long time now. Something that I have noticed within my very own community is that bisexual people struggle from both sides. I feel that their experiences are diminished by people in the straight community, as well as by their brothers and sisters within the LGBT community.

I have heard and seen the straight community perceiving bisexual people as being "confused," while the LGBT community see them at times as undecided on what they want. This year I want to shed light on Bisexuality Day to remind people that bisexual people are part of our community, and we should show them the same support and respect they show us.

Challenging misconceptions about bisexual men

I have been guilty of not wanting to date someone that was bisexual. I can now say that I was completely wrong. My reasoning behind that was the same as many others I have talked to. Other gay men I talked to would say that bisexual men do not know what they want or are too afraid to come out as gay.

I want to publicly express that I use to have this mindset when I was younger, and I want to apologize for it. I should not have judged anyone without even trying to understand.

I currently am in a relationship with someone that now identifies as bisexual. Before my partner started dating me, he identified as straight. He decided to explore his sexuality and we have now been in a long term relationship. I am glad to say this has been the healthiest relationship I have ever had.

My personal journey with a bisexual partner

For a very long time his family did not know about us or that he was now identifying as bisexual. He was scared that once he told them they would tell him that he was "confused." I believe this is the story of many people who are afraid to come out as bisexual.

My partner finally built up the courage recently to tell a few people in his family. Many of them took it well, but, unfortunately, some did not. When he said that he was bisexual, the response was he must pick one or the other.

When I heard this from my partner it really disappointed me. I feel that now because he wants a relationship with me, everyone sees him as gay. I personally do not think that choosing to be with me now should diminish the last 35 years of being with women. I have tried to encourage my partner to live in his truth and be able to express himself as he chooses.

The importance of discussing HIV in relationships

One major discussion within our relationship was the topic of HIV. Early on in our dating stages I sat him down and discussed the high rates of HIV within our community. I let him know that know now that he identifies as bisexual, he is also part of the community. I let him know that according to the CDC, gay and bisexual men accounted for 70 percent of the total 34,800 estimated new HIV infections in the US in 2019.¹

I used this time to talk with him about PrEP and encouraged him to do his research because as he knows, I am living with HIV, and doing everything I can to protect myself and others and he should do the same.

At the end of the day, we are all part of one community. We should all support one another in all our choices especially in who we choose to love. I hope that he continues this path of self-discovery and that he continues to open himself up to me.