A Guide to Talking About Living With HIV

By Dee Otalor

2 min read

Talking about your HIV status out loud or admitting that you've been diagnosed is not easy.

This is a condition that has always been intolerable, and it's been this way for over 35 years. I feel it’s difficult because we make it that way. Nothing in life is easy, but it’s how we deal with it that gives us the outcome.

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I didn’t wake up one day and say, "Please let me be diagnosed with a virus that makes people want to stay away from me", and neither did you. It’s not easy coming to grips that you will live with it for the rest of your life. So you can either feel sorry for yourself, stay angry, or do your best to be happy like anyone else who is not living with it.

Be truthful to yourself

For me to be happy, I must first be honest with myself about my HIV diagnosis. I am a beautiful woman living with HIV and it doesn’t change the person I am. You must remember that you are not a different person at all. You are the same son, daughter, mother, father, sister, brother, and friend that you have always been.

There is no one who was ever happy keeping a secret from anyone or themselves. You can’t live to your full potential keeping things internally, and I know each and every one of you are capable of becoming honest to yourselves about your status. You wouldn’t believe the load that is taken off of you because of it.

Once you start to deal with it, then it will become easier to talk to others about it and not feel ashamed.

Share your HIV status with someone you trust

If you could trust one person, who would that be? Opening up to someone will help clear your mind and put you at ease. Being open with my status has led me to meet some amazing individuals who accept me for who I am.

Getting out of your comfort zone and sharing with others can help you build relationships with people who will love, care, and be there for you.

Keep company with people who accept you

Never keep company with people who don’t accept you. This will only cause stress and negativity in your life. I have accepted that if close family and friends don’t want me around, then I’m fine with that, because I am not living my life for them.

So I’m asking you to live your life for you. When you do that, you will know that you have accepted your diagnosis and you will stop caring how others see you. Then you will feel the need to start dating again without feeling like it can’t happen.

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Richard FaustCommunity Admin
Hi <inline-mention username="tmeehan1965" user-id="2048221"/>. One would think of HRSA as the responsible party, although, as this article discusses, the funds are largely distributed to states and grantees and "In recognition of the varying nature of the HIV epidemic, grantees are given broad discretion to design key aspects of their programs:" <a href='https://www.kff.org/hivaids/fact-sheet/the-ryan-white-hivaids-program-the-basics' target='_blank' rel='noopener noreferrer ugc'>https://www.kff.org/hivaids/fact-sheet/the-ryan-white-hivaids-program-the-basics</a>. It looks like Boston actually has a "Ryan White Services Division:" <a href='https://www.boston.gov/government/cabinets/boston-public-health-commission/infectious-diseases/ryan-white-services-division' target='_blank' rel='noopener noreferrer ugc'>https://www.boston.gov/government/cabinets/boston-public-health-commission/infectious-diseases/ryan-white-services-division</a>. I wonder if at your local level this is the office that can help with oversight. Best, Richard (Team Member)
tmeehan1965Member
<inline-mention username="tmeehan1965" user-id="2048221"/> How about Hrsa they should take an interest in consumers more so than they agency.
tmeehan1965Member
<inline-mention username="Richard Faust" user-id="7004440"/> Yes I love AIDS Action , unfortunately they merged with JRI who says they have limited resources. They are a joke!!
tmeehan1965Member
Yes I love AIDS Action , unfortunately they merged with JRI who says they have limited resources
Richard FaustCommunity Admin
Hi <inline-mention username="tmeehan1965" user-id="2048221"/>. Yes, it has been a while. Hope this note finds you well. The stigma and discrimination is real and the fact that it occurs in healthcare settings is all the worse. You mention the legal help and that you live in Boston. Are you familiar with the AIDS Action Committee (see: <a href='https://masslrf.org/en/programs/view/aac)?' target='_blank' rel='noopener noreferrer ugc'>https://masslrf.org/en/programs/view/aac)?</a> I don't have any personal experience, but they say the "give free legal representation and advice to people living with HIV and AIDS, in a range of civil matters, including housing, basic estate planning, discrimination, employment" in Massachusetts. Best, Richard (Team Member)