Talking About Living With HIV

By Davina Conner

2 min read

It’s not easy. Talking about your HIV status out loud to anyone is not that easy for everybody and it’s not easy for some people to want to admit that they have been diagnosed with HIV.

This is a condition that has always been intolerable and has been this way for over 35 years. I feel it’s difficult because we make it that way; meaning, nothing in life is easy but it’s how we deal with it that gives us the outcome.

I didn’t wake up one day and say, "Please let me be diagnosed with a virus that makes people want to stay away from me", and neither did you. And it’s not easy coming to grips that you will live with it for the rest of your life. So you can either feel sorry for yourself, stay angry, or do your best to be happy like anyone else who is not living with it.

Be truthful to yourself

For me, I say to be happy, I must first be honest with myself about my HIV; and, that’s saying I am a beautiful woman living with HIV and it doesn’t change the person I am. You must remember that you are not a different person at all. You are the same son, daughter, mother, father, sister, brother, and friend that you have always been.

Don’t you realize that there is no one who was ever happy keeping a secret from anyone or themselves? You can’t live to your full potential keeping things internally and I know each and every one of you are capable of becoming honest to yourselves about your status. You wouldn’t believe the load that is taken off of you because of it. Once you start to deal with it, then it will become easier to talk to others about it and not feel ashamed.

Share your HIV status with someone you trust

If you could trust one person who would that be? I ask you that because opening up to someone will help clear your mind and put you at ease. Being open with my status has led me to meet some amazing individuals who accept me for who I am. Getting out of your comfort zone and sharing with others will help you build relationships with people who love you, care for you, and who will be there for you.

Keep company with people who accept you

Never keep company with people who don’t accept you; that will only cause stress and negativity in your life. I have accepted that if close family and friends don’t want me around, then I’m fine with that because I am not living my life for them. So I’m asking you to live your life for you. When you do that, that’s when you will know that you have accepted your diagnosis and you will stop caring how others see you. Then you will feel the need to start dating again without feeling like it can’t happen.

For more information disclosing or sharing your HIV status, check out The Well Project: Disclosure and HIV.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The H-I-V.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

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Khafre Kujichagulia Abif Moderator
Alafia (Peace) <inline-mention username="Davina Conner" user-id="2047729"/> What a good article about disclosure and how it can be different from person to person. It took me some time to share my status with my MaDear, it took years. Disclosure has gotten much easier and I hope that your example reaches many people who are struggling in silence and alone. Khafre (Team Member) 
1. Davina Conner Contributor
 <inline-mention username="Khafre Kujichagulia Abif" user-id="2046187"/> It does get easier over time, and I do hope this can reach those who are struggling. Thank you, Khafre
tmeehan1965 Member
Great article! As a person living with Hiv for 30 plus years, I find it amazing the stigma has still not changed. I find it interesting that in today's era that stigma, as well as disclosure, is still relevant. In the early days of HIV infection how long you had to live was more prevalent. I think if you think about the fact that you can have a long successful life with medications they have today that HIV is a part of you as if diabetes is to diabetics that disclosure should not be so tough. Stigma and disclosure still go hand in hand and continued education is needed constantly to the public.
1. LizGreen Community Admin
 <inline-mention username="tmeehan1965" user-id="2048221"/> it is amazing isn't it, how much changed but yet so much has not. I like what you said about stigma and disclosure going hand in hand. Have you heard of any effective education efforts? So much is needed. - Liz (Team Member)
2. Davina Conner Contributor
 <inline-mention username="tmeehan1965" user-id="2048221"/> It is very amazing that stigma continues to stay the same but that comes from lack of knowledge and folks not wanting to educate themselves. Believing still today that it is a death sentence. Continued education yes, but I feel that it will be those who are open with their HIV that will shape the way HIV is looked at. We are the voices who put a face to it to change the stigma. Thank you <inline-mention username="tmeehan1965" user-id="2048221"/>
tmeehan1965 Member
Hi it’s been a while, However the discrimination that still follows hiv is still there. I with a thirty four year diagnosis am still experiencing discrimination. I live in Boston and not enough legal help with JRI. I am discouraged with the system and non profits that receive Ryan white funding. Hey where is HRSA in all this ? Stop covering for each other ( organizations) and take some accountability. The Human Service Workers are getting away with abusive behavior. 
1. Richard Faust Community Admin
 Hi <inline-mention username="tmeehan1965" user-id="2048221"/>. Yes, it has been a while. Hope this note finds you well. The stigma and discrimination is real and the fact that it occurs in healthcare settings is all the worse. You mention the legal help and that you live in Boston. Are you familiar with the AIDS Action Committee (see: <a href='https://masslrf.org/en/programs/view/aac)?' target='_blank' rel='noopener noreferrer ugc'>https://masslrf.org/en/programs/view/aac)?</a> I don't have any personal experience, but they say the "give free legal representation and advice to people living with HIV and AIDS, in a range of civil matters, including housing, basic estate planning, discrimination, employment" in Massachusetts. Best, Richard (Team Member)
2. tmeehan1965 Member
 <inline-mention username="Richard Faust" user-id="7004440"/> Yes I love AIDS Action , unfortunately they merged with JRI who says they have limited resources. They are a joke!!
tmeehan1965 Member
Yes I love AIDS Action , unfortunately they merged with JRI who says they have limited resources 
1. tmeehan1965 Member
 <inline-mention username="tmeehan1965" user-id="2048221"/> How about Hrsa they should take an interest in consumers more so than they agency. 
2. Richard Faust Community Admin
 Hi <inline-mention username="tmeehan1965" user-id="2048221"/>. One would think of HRSA as the responsible party, although, as this article discusses, the funds are largely distributed to states and grantees and "In recognition of the varying nature of the HIV epidemic, grantees are given broad discretion to design key aspects of their programs:" <a href='https://www.kff.org/hivaids/fact-sheet/the-ryan-white-hivaids-program-the-basics' target='_blank' rel='noopener noreferrer ugc'>https://www.kff.org/hivaids/fact-sheet/the-ryan-white-hivaids-program-the-basics</a>. It looks like Boston actually has a "Ryan White Services Division:" <a href='https://www.boston.gov/government/cabinets/boston-public-health-commission/infectious-diseases/ryan-white-services-division' target='_blank' rel='noopener noreferrer ugc'>https://www.boston.gov/government/cabinets/boston-public-health-commission/infectious-diseases/ryan-white-services-division</a>. I wonder if at your local level this is the office that can help with oversight. Best, Richard (Team Member)