Freeing Myself from Past Pain Gives Me a Happy Life
I've repeatedly been asking myself why I keep trying to resurface and hold on to the pain of my past when it no longer serves me and doesn’t reflect how I’m currently feeling.
Right now, I am the happiest I have ever been in my life. I'm at peace with myself, and outside influences no longer control how I feel about myself. I worked so hard to get to how I feel today, so why am I not embracing that?
Resurfacing pain from my past
The reason is that I feel like I’m not allowed to be happy if everyone else isn’t happy as well. Becoming an HIV advocate meant to me that I had to bring awareness and justice to my past suffering and the suffering of others within the HIV community.
I resurface a lot of my pain because it’s what drove me in my writing; letting go of the pain made me feel like I would be incapable of creating impactful change regarding HIV. I realize I don't need to carry my past pain and the pain of others. Now more than ever, I know that self-love heals all since I had a spiritual awakening.
A spiritual awakening
A spiritual awakening is when my soul, which is who I actually am, asks my (mind-driven) ego to step to the side.
My spiritual awakening felt life-threatening because I identified with my ego-driven mind; I never knew I was a soul. Before my spiritual awakening, I thought negatively about spirituality, so that's why my experience was very traumatic for me.
During this traumatic experience, I supported my feelings by journaling, asking myself how I'm feeling and why. Then, I seek clarity through reading blogs and YouTube videos to create a solution.
How do I stop the suffering?
Doing so, I didn't realize that to stop my suffering, I would have to make the biggest sacrifice I ever made in my life. I had to sacrifice my identity as my ego-driven mind, which had consisted of living my life through my past, to create my desired future.
In reality, the only time I have is now; I can choose right now to end my pain by identifying as my heart and love base soul.
I learned that I have a mind and a body, but who I truly am is my soul which is pure consciousness and the ability to live in the present.
I can spend every day being present and engaging in activities that radiate the love I have within me outwards. In return, I will receive that same type of energy because that's how the universe works.
Sharing my journey
For anyone who wants to start putting an end to their mental pain, I recommend reading the book The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment by Eckhard Tolle, and you will be on your way to learning about how to live a life free of mental distress.
I look forward to sharing what's going on with me now because I believe the best way to help others is by being myself, and it’s up to others if they find my work inspiring and encourage them to do the same for themselves.
To get all the details about my spiritual awakening, you can read all about it on my Instagram @zoravoyce.
Have you ever experienced discrimination due to your HIV status?