My Journey To Treatment

Black gay, bisexual, and other men who have sex with men continue to be disproportionately affected by HIV compared to other groups in the United States. According to the latest data, Black individuals account for 38 percent of all new HIV diagnoses, despite making up only 12 percent of the population.¹ Specifically, Black gay and bisexual men represent approximately 35 percent of new diagnoses among all gay and bisexual men—a reminder that while overall new infections are declining in some areas, the burden remains heavy for our community.¹

The numbers are staggering, and we are reminded of how much work still needs to be done within the Black community to address the HIV epidemic. This reality suggests just how important it is for me to share my experience of actively adhering to treatment, to be visible, and to use my story to fight against stigma and discrimination.

I was hesitant to start HIV treatment

Starting HIV treatment can be one of the most difficult decisions we ever have to make. Part of that decision-making process comes from acknowledging to yourself that you are living with HIV. It is clear to me that internalized and systemic stigma can affect how long it takes for us to seek care and treatment.

At the time, few treatment options were available

When I started taking ART in 1998, it was seven years after I was first diagnosed with HIV. When I tested positive in the early 90s, there was only one treatment available**,** which was AZT. AZT (azidothymidine) was originally developed in the 1960s by a U.S. researcher as a way to fight cancer.

For me, I had heard many conflicting stories about the effects of AZT on the bodies of people living with HIV. It was a difficult decision to make, but I decided not to take it at the time. This was a personal decision that I made largely based on the fact that there were so few other options. By the time I finally began treatment, my CD4 count was as low as 2 and my viral load was extremely high, but fortunately, several new treatment options had finally become available.

Reasons why I delayed HIV treatment

Although I had delayed taking medication, I was under a doctor’s care. My thinking was that I wanted to go without medications for several reasons. I wanted to allow my body to go as far as it could without treatment, and I wanted to wait for the development and approval of more effective treatment options.

I led a very busy life

I had been in great health throughout the course of my life. I didn’t smoke or drink. I was an athlete and I was in great physical shape. I had a young son and a very active professional career. I also enjoyed African dance and drumming. I was busy. I didn’t understand how I could fit HIV treatment into my already extremely active day.

I was scared and felt isolated

The biggest reason I delayed HIV treatment was because I was absolutely scared out of my mind. I was isolated and didn’t have anyone who was living with HIV in my social network, so I couldn’t ask anyone directly about their experience with treatment.

Starting and adhering to HIV treatment

Fortunately, today there are many one-pill, once-a-day treatment options. With all these biomedical advances, I don’t suggest waiting for anyone. These are much different times. The medications available today are far less toxic than the original treatments. Treatment works, and it allows us to live the full, active lives we deserve.