How I Relax and Be Present During Sex

For my Self-care Sunday, I picked the question, "What do I use to help me relax so that I can be more present during sex?" from my sex talk card deck to reflect on this week.

You can also get involved in this self-reflection by commenting below: What tips do you use to relax and be more present during sex?

How to relax and be present

For myself, I’m currently working on relaxing and being present. It has been challenging because I have lived in NYC my entire life - a fast-paced environment. Therefore, I normalized overworking myself.

My spiritual awakening revealed that if I want to improve my sex life, I will have to learn to slow down and relax in all aspects of my life.

Mindful of tension in the body

How I have been working on relaxing my body is by reminding my body to do so by being mindful of when I start to tense my body.

When I feel tension, I tell myself to stop what I’m doing and refocus my attention to the now.

I noticed I experience tension a lot when thinking about work because I have many ideas flowing to me, which makes me feel like I have to get it all done at that very moment.

Letting my sexual energy flow

Since my career is about sharing my life living with HIV, I now tell myself to only write about what is currently going on in my life. In doing so, I will be able to cover every topic I want to talk about when the time is right.

When it comes to my sexual energy, when I’m horny, I notice that I pin up the energy within me, which prevents me from feeling sexually satisfied.

I have been practicing relaxing my body when I decide to touch myself. I usually am eager to release my sexual tension.

When I feel this way, I remind myself that I need to release the tension and let my sexual energy flow.

Insight from spiritual communities

I have also been seeking spiritual communities to help me transition to this new way of being. For me, adapting to something new becomes easier when the people around me effortlessly do it in their everyday lives.

I also value mentorship, so I often search for people on YouTube, Instagram, podcasts, and LinkedIn to find people who specialize in the area I want to grow in.

Leaning into meditation

Based on my research and the people I have been interacting with, I need to start meditating and stop being afraid of it. The zen feeling scares me because it's out of my normative way of being. And, in my opinion, it makes me feel lifeless.

Hearing other people's experiences helps me warm up to doing it shortly. What really holds me back from being in a meditative state is that I'm afraid of non-physical things popping up and interacting with me.

I will continue to work on this fear of mine and write an update on how I tackle reading my body for overall well-being and pleasure.

You can stay in touch with Zora on Instagram @mypurora and my personal page @zoravoyce.