Struggling to Sleep

Insomnia is more common than people think. For those that can rest peacefully, insomnia seems taboo. When I begin to connect the dots on my sleepiness, I arrive at the time of change for kids - when I was in middle school.

I do not remember taking naps until sixth or seventh grade, but during that time, they quickly became mandatory. Every day after school, I would go straight home, crawl under my covers and fall asleep. I would often wake up in the middle of the evening, eat dinner, prepare for bed, and go back to sleep.

Many could attribute my abnormal sleep patterns to hormones. Past therapists have said it was more than likely a coping mechanism used to deal with the emotional moments of my life, and I am sure it was a combination of many things. Even when I started sports in junior high, I still required more sleep than just my night routine.

Naps became and remain a requirement in my life.

Racing thoughts and the struggle for sleep

However, as I got older, my night sleep was disturbed by the racing of my thoughts.

Every night was the same battle. I would struggle to fall asleep. If I would so happen to doze, it would be short-lived, and I would wake. A lack of sleep affects you not only mentally but emotionally and physically as well.

I dealt with these nightly interruptions for years before I found that it was not normal.

Sleepless nights and sedatives

In 2014, I had grown enough in my life to know that a lot of things I was dealing with were not normal. After many sleepless nights, I talked to my physician, and she prescribed me a sedative for anxiety.

I started on a "low dose," and the sleep I got from the medication was drastically different from the long nights. I often slept through alarms, but I was thankful for sound sleep.

Becoming dependant

But as time went on, my tolerance began to grow to the prescription. The label on the prescription went from taking 1 to 2 pills for anxiety or trouble sleeping to eventually taking 3 to 5 pills for anxiety or trouble sleeping.

The worst part was that if I did not take the medication, there was no way I was getting sleep. My body became dependent on medication to function normally.

As a being, I believe in holistic remedies. Having my body grow an addiction to the medication was causing me mental anguish, and I knew that I needed another course of action. I could physically tell that the tolerance my body was growing would only deepen over time.

There's a possibility that my OCD made me obsess over the logistics of the medication. Still, one thing was for sure, I had mentally already decided I would stop taking the medication.

Taking back control of my sleep

The weeks that followed, as I weened myself off the medication, resulted in the return of sleepless nights.

For weeks I moved around my apartment in a zombie-like trance. The dark circles had deepened, and hollow troughs had formed under my eyes. I slept when my body and mind would allow, tried to meditate, and used sleep sounds or subliminal messages. Eventually, I was able to sleep for an extended time without medication.

Through my many struggles with sleep, including the troubles I still have, I have found that having a bedtime ritual has helped me fall asleep. If I know that my mind has been racing, or if I know I am under stress, then I will allow extra time to myself to allow my mind to unwind before bed.

Occasionally, if my thoughts won’t leave – I'll use medication, but in moderation. I still struggle with insomnia, but I am working on ways to manage my daytime sleepiness better.