HIV Cause me Aggressive Depression & dark thoughs

By MWarrior

1 min read

Content Note: This article describes suicidal thoughts. If you or a loved one are struggling, consider reading our mental health resources page.

My experience with HIV has been truly very unpleasant and too complicated to get medicines plus analyzed because I am based in Morocco...

Depression and thoughts of suicide

After 6 months, I dived into a horrible depression which made me think of killing myself for million reasons, every day I suffer due to emptiness and being able to speak to no one, and feeling being rejected although no one knows I am HIV but over-thinking just destroy me mentally.

Isolation

I am trying to survive but with no hope and no desire as once I wake up. I just wish if I do not, I spent all day in my room thinking and thinking nonstop.

Even looking for job has been impossible !!! I don t know how long I can bear this situation but honestly, i feel it's the end, I just don t want to harm & shock my parents by suicide.

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LizGreen Community Admin
<inline-mention username="MWarrior" user-id="6221616"/> I am so grateful you continue to reach out as you are facing such difficult barriers to care and emotions. You are not alone when you reach out like this and I hope others here can be a listening ear and give you a sense that there is a future when living with HIV. I know we have sent you some resources already, professionals in mental health in your country, but is there also someone in your life you feel you can turn to? Sometimes talking about it can be so helpful, even if it's to someone you didn't expect. Also, did you try the chat for <a href='https://988lifeline.org/chat' target='_blank' rel='noopener noreferrer ugc'>988lifeline.org/chat</a> ? It is a tool I know many feeling like you are have used. I believe you may have access to the chat from where you are. - Liz (Team Member)
MWarrior Member
I am locking up myself in room all day and night with no desire and no mood, i been searching for any job online or anything that can help me get busy and also pay my needs but in vain. Could anyone help me here as i am truly feeling its end since i am all alone and have noone in my life.
1. Steven Campa Moderator & Contributor
 <inline-mention username="MWarrior" user-id="6221616"/> Hello, you are never alone. You have us here to chat with. I have been living with HIV for almost a decade and I have felt the way that you feel. Things will get better. Talking with folks about this is a great way to overcome the isolation. - Steven (Team Member)
LizGreen Community Admin
I agree with Steven, we are here to listen. How did today go for you <inline-mention username="MWarrior" user-id="6221616"/> ? - Liz (Team Member)
Khafre Kujichagulia Abif Moderator
Alafia (Peace) <inline-mention username="MWarrior" user-id="6221616"/> We are so glad you find this space at <a href='https://h-i-v.net' target='_blank'>H-I-V.net</a> a safe place to share your experience and thoughts. We hope that you find many reasons to keep pushing forward. We would hate to loose you and I am sure your family and friends would to. I know from your previous posts that you have been having a difficult time getting medications. I understand its a lot to deal with on y I ur own. The isolation itself can be too much to bare. Continue to reach out and express yourself. Letting out your thoughts can ease your pain. Brother we are here for you. Khafre (H-I-V.net Team Member)