Suffering In Silence

I will never forget that day when I heard that news on March 8, 2018. It seems my life from the past became a blur since that day. I have been down and wanting my life to end just about every day for the last 3 years. Never had any health issues until that diagnosis.

Stigma is one of the absolute worst things that comes with HIV. Me being a straight man with children. So I have pretty much accepted the fact that I will be alone the rest of my life. I’m so worried that if I do meet a woman that I do have an interest in, and I let her know my status, then I feel my sexuality will be questioned. Therefore, she will lose interest in me.

In these past three years, I have battled divorce, working an extremely physically demanding job 7 days a week on third shift with little to no sleep, thousands upon thousands of debt, failed business, garnishments, family, and friends turning their backs, severe depression combined with social anxiety, raising children and the list goes on. But I continue to get up every day with a smile on my face covering up what’s going on inside my mind. Superman is truly tired and I just want to disappear. No family support because they are very judgmental and hypocritical. So I can’t tell them. The only people that know about my status are my counselor, HIV specialist, and my ex-wife. I truly suffer in silence alone. Thank you for allowing me to vent.

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