Tired

By Melone

1 min read

At this moment I'm just tired. Tired of life itself. I was born with HIV. HIV and I have been living together for 33 years. As a believer, I vow not to put my partner through what I have gone through. So disclosure is not a problem for me. I have been doing it... But what does that get me? Nothing. Only disappointments. One after another. My wish right now, before I die, is to have a child. I want one, but who will be able to share that journey with me? I have been on so many dating sites looking for love, but it hasn't worked either. It is so painful, but what can I do? Nothing, it is what it is.

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Richard FaustCommunity Admin
Hi <inline-mention username="Melone" user-id="9967617"/>. Your pain and frustration certainly comes through. You are not alone here in being born with or diagnosed very young with HIV. Casey wrote here about being born with and the importance of recognizing those born with HIV: <a href='https://h-i-v.net/living/perinatal-transmission-awareness' target='_blank'>https://h-i-v.net/living/perinatal-transmission-awareness</a>. Concerning the desire to meet someone and have a child, the frustrations and longing are also shared by others. Stephen wrote here about his wish to start a family: <a href='https://h-i-v.net/living/fatherhood-start-family' target='_blank'>https://h-i-v.net/living/fatherhood-start-family</a>. I also want to share this article this article from Shawn who has diagnosed as a child and went on to meet his partner Gwen through his advocacy: <a href='https://h-i-v.net/living/shaped-by-hiv' target='_blank'>https://h-i-v.net/living/shaped-by-hiv</a>. I know these stories don't change your situation, but sometimes it helps to know that others understand and share similar experiences and that things can change. Please know that this community is here for you. Best, Richard (Team Member)
Shocked brain fogMember
I am a 54 yr old white female who has found out 4 months ago that I am HIV positive. I so badly want a relationship, I don't need one, I just want someone to love me. True love. Soul intimacy. I have been married, and divorced. Alone, diseased, I'm such a lovely person, since I've found out I've spoilt myself with a gift every payday. Now I just enjoy each day with my dog every day. And my work colleagues are so awesome. 
1. Richard FaustCommunity Admin
 Hi <inline-mention username="Shocked brain fog" user-id="10004047"/>. That desire for a higher level of human connection is certainly understandable. Becoming comfortable and happy with yourself is a great first step to being ready and open for something more. When I read your post I thought of this article from one of our sister-sites by a woman who was diagnosed with a severe form of an autoimmune condition at age two and has used a wheelchair since childhood (full disclosure - I happen to be her husband): <a href='https://rheumatoidarthritis.net/living/surprise-relationship' target='_blank' rel='noopener noreferrer ugc'>https://rheumatoidarthritis.net/living/surprise-relationship</a>. One never knows what can happen when one is comfortable with oneself. Best, Richard (Team Member)
2. Richard FaustCommunity Admin
 Hi <inline-mention username="Shocked brain fog" user-id="10004047"/>. Just want to check back in and see how you are doing in the new year. Hope you are still enjoying those days with your dog and your work situation. I'm convinced that when you are happy with yourself one never knows what will find you. Best, Richard (Team Member)