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Maintaining a relationship after diagnosis

I recently received an HIV diagnosis from sharing needles. I am in a loving relationship with a great woman, but since my diagnosis, obviously things have been Rough. She has tested negative and is fine, but has anyone ever had to deal with something like this? How do we keep this relationship going?

  1. I'm so glad you reached out. Being recently diagnosed can be a lot to face, and on top of it it sounds like you are also dealing with some relationship stress. We definitely have several advocates who have written about their experiences. Every relationship is different, so I'll list a few perspectives here from different couples and you can see if you relate to any of them.


    - https://h-i-v.net/living/serostatus-relationship
    - https://h-i-v.net/living/magnetic-couples

    Davina Connor - https://h-i-v.net/living/embarrassed-partner - https://h-i-v.net/members/davinaconner
    Robert and Jerilyn - https://h-i-v.net/stories/conversation


    Please keep us posted on how you are doing, not just in terms of your relationship, but for you as you start treatment and process this diagnosis. I have seen the power that connecting with others living with HIV can have, so I suggest combatting the overwhelming information on the internet with this simple article, advice from our advocates: https://h-i-v.net/answers/coping-new-diagnosis


    Best,
    Liz (Team Member)

    1. Hello.

      When I first found out about my diagnosis, I was at the end of a saga that included me being cheated on for months. As one can imagine, I was devastated. When I began to date again, I was so afraid of what that may look like to others. I was also afraid of any terrible heartbreak. In this period, I learned a lot about myself. I started dating, casually, to understand myself and others disposition more. About a year in, I started dated someone seriously. At first, I did not share my status, but eventually, I knew that this was someone I was building an intimate relationship with. When he found out about my diagnosis, he was more upset with the world that I had it. And he was accepting (as it sounds your girlfriend is). We spoke about many things, how this may affect our future sexual relationship. . .and even how this may affect our future lives together.



      I think the most important thing for relationships in these scenarios is to take the time, as a couple, to research and talk about any concerns that may affect either of you. Opening dialogue between you, and your partner may help you both overcome any shortcomings you may have experienced with the diagnosis (and feelings she may have). I think it's important to try to tackle those tough conversations together.


      In all of this, I hope you remember that you are worthy of a beautiful, safe, supportive love. And a true love will always choose you over your status.


      I hope the coming days find you well, and if you ever need support - we are here.


      -Ze (Team Member)



      1. Alafia (Peace) Give her a minute to catch her breath. Be honest and allow her to go with you to your appointments with your provider. Khafre (H-I-V.net Team Member)

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