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I'm newly diagnosed. Where do I go from here?

Obviously there would be no 1 size fits all here. I have been newly diagnosed, I was lied to by 1 partner 1 time and clearly was ignorant about how real HIV is. I get tested regularly and this is how I found out, I also experienced initial infection symptoms and felt like I was going to die soon after the possible exposure, it was literally two of the worst weeks of my life. I am on biktarvy and even though it’s been only a few months am undetectable which I know is very good. I just feel hopeless and alone, I don’t want to tell my family ever and I really didn’t tell many of my friends. I’ve been shouldering this burden and I just feel awful inside. I don’t know what I’m looking for but I guess any advice or kind support. I’m not thinking about dating now obviously but it was hard enough before now I feel like why bother in the future. Sorry for being so grim but how I’ve been feeling is much more than grim.

  1. There is no need to apologize. I have also felt this way in the past. I was lied to by my partner who I trusted. You are not alone. We are always here for you to listen and talk. -Steven (Team Member)

    1. I am right there with you. Found out yesterday and one person one time for the first time in 30 yrs. I was married and now separated. First time. I am in denial and want to pack it in and call it a day. There are so many other things that factor into my emotions right now, and I think it is a combination that makes me so bitter. I have no symptoms at all. It has been over a month. I don't understand why, but if this is because the first test was false positive then i will be a different woman. This shit changes you. Maybe it was the universe's way of telling me to stop going down that road. Who knows. I am never telling anyone about this. i will remain celibate for the rest of my life. I am 60yrs old, so that isn't too much longer LOL. I need people in my life that I can lean on. What to be my friend? Knowing that i am HIV positive turned my life on its heels. My priorities are all fucked up. I
      am ever considering getting back with the bastard that started this whole fucking thing. I have so many dreams yet to live. I just want someone to tell me that it will be ok if I follow the rules.

      1. I know exactly how you are feeling. I found out a month ago and I still haven’t told anyone except one of my best friends. A part of me feels shameful because in my situation I should have been more careful. I’m just trying to stay positive about everything right now and not think too much…bc I tend to do that when I get down. Knowing that I now have to take a medication for the rest of my life is hard for me. But I know other people who have health issues that have to take a med for life, so I try to feel the same way about my situation.

        1. it takes time but it will get better

      2. and my heart goes out to you both and I know this must be a really hard time. I hope we can help provide information. Always feel free to reach out. If you (or anyone following the thread) is looking for some encouragement, I really like this article by several of our advocates: - Liz (Team Member)

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