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I'm newly diagnosed. Where do I go from here?

Obviously there would be no 1 size fits all here. I have been newly diagnosed, I was lied to by 1 partner 1 time and clearly was ignorant about how real HIV is. I get tested regularly and this is how I found out, I also experienced initial infection symptoms and felt like I was going to die soon after the possible exposure, it was literally two of the worst weeks of my life. I am on biktarvy and even though it’s been only a few months am undetectable which I know is very good. I just feel hopeless and alone, I don’t want to tell my family ever and I really didn’t tell many of my friends. I’ve been shouldering this burden and I just feel awful inside. I don’t know what I’m looking for but I guess any advice or kind support. I’m not thinking about dating now obviously but it was hard enough before now I feel like why bother in the future. Sorry for being so grim but how I’ve been feeling is much more than grim.

  1. There is no need to apologize. I have also felt this way in the past. I was lied to by my partner who I trusted. You are not alone. We are always here for you to listen and talk. -Steven (Team Member)

    1. I am right there with you. Found out yesterday and one person one time for the first time in 30 yrs. I was married and now separated. First time. I am in denial and want to pack it in and call it a day. There are so many other things that factor into my emotions right now, and I think it is a combination that makes me so bitter. I have no symptoms at all. It has been over a month. I don't understand why, but if this is because the first test was false positive then i will be a different woman. This shit changes you. Maybe it was the universe's way of telling me to stop going down that road. Who knows. I am never telling anyone about this. i will remain celibate for the rest of my life. I am 60yrs old, so that isn't too much longer LOL. I need people in my life that I can lean on. What to be my friend? Knowing that i am HIV positive turned my life on its heels. My priorities are all fucked up. I
      am ever considering getting back with the bastard that started this whole fucking thing. I have so many dreams yet to live. I just want someone to tell me that it will be ok if I follow the rules.

      1. I know exactly how you are feeling. I found out a month ago and I still haven’t told anyone except one of my best friends. A part of me feels shameful because in my situation I should have been more careful. I’m just trying to stay positive about everything right now and not think too much…bc I tend to do that when I get down. Knowing that I now have to take a medication for the rest of my life is hard for me. But I know other people who have health issues that have to take a med for life, so I try to feel the same way about my situation.

        1. it takes time but it will get better

        2. Alafia (Peace) You are so right about that. It will get better. Thank you for reaching out to share with our community member. Khafre ( Team Member)

      2. and my heart goes out to you both and I know this must be a really hard time. I hope we can help provide information. Always feel free to reach out. If you (or anyone following the thread) is looking for some encouragement, I really like this article by several of our advocates: - Liz (Team Member)

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