Worried, anxious, but determined to stay strong
Hey guys,
Just reaching out so I can talk/interact with someone. I have resolved that I will be strong, maintain good physical and mental health, and ensure I remain strong to support those around me as well.
I had unprotected insertive vaginal sex with a CSW. The next morning we tested for HIV and she was found to be positive. I started PEP at just under 7 hours after the act. During the PEP, I had on and off mild headache, and pain in the neck, behind the ears, under the jawline, in the abdomen, groin and thighs, as well as diarrhoea, and peeling of the hands and feet. It subsided after about 27 days. I took the PEP faithfully at the same time for the full 30 days.
It is now 11 days after PEP and this morning, I developed a fresh bout of diarrhoea, malaise, and a strong intensification of the headache and pain behind the ears and under the jawline and in the groin and abdomen as well. I have also had mild itching all over the body.
The little I initially knew about PEP was that if started within three days post infection, it would protect against HIV. But I have since learned that it is not fully effective and that it is best to start it after two hours. Not only did I make the mistake of not wearing a second condom after the first went off, I also started PEP late, after seven hours, and may be that contributed to its failure.
The malaise and pain in the neck have been discomforting and distracted me from work. I took a 4th generation test this morning, but it was still negative, which means I cannot even start treatment to stop the symptoms from getting worse.
I am trying to make peace with the situation but it is not easy. Every five minutes I tell my self to be strong, to realize that I can live a long productive life if I adhere to treatment but within a minute my heart sinks again especially when the pain in the neck strikes again.
Perhaps it will be easier after I started treatment and have the psychological reassurance that I am treating the disease and not letting the virus attack the body unattended.
I am sorry I made you guys read all this. It is difficult TBH. But I will be strong.
Kind regards,
Going through these symptoms, along with the stress of not knowing what may be happening in your body, must be incredibly difficult. You are right, you are strong and that shows by you taking the initiative to reach out to others.
Have you talked at all to the doctor who prescribed the PEP about your symptoms returning in the past few days? We are not medical professionals so can't advise you on what may be going on, but I wonder what the doctor would tell you. If useful, here is more info on PEP outlining that within the first 24 hours is most effective and within 72 hours highly effective - https://h-i-v.net/pep , although I have also heard that two hour guideline before as the 'ideal.' Was the doctor who prescribed it concerned about your timeframe?
I hope others also voice their support here in the forum, because as you said, it is so difficult to face these questions. Please keep us posted on how you are feeling - Liz (Team Member)Thank you Liz for your kind words.
You simply do not know just what it means to be able to talk to some one right now. This is the only community where I can express my fears and lay them all out. I cannot reach out to family and friends at this point yet as they simply are not equipped to manage such events.I have not told the doctor about today's incidents yet. But he had told me upon completing PEP that all I needed was to retest a month after PEP.
The doctor was not concerned about the timing of when I started PEP. He did not even mention the 'ideal' two hours, which is something I found out on my own when I started reading on the web on the efficacy of PEP. He only insisted I take the meds at the exact same time every day, even set an alarm to remind me.
This whole situation would be easier to manage if the seroconversion was happening without any symptoms. I have managed to make peace with my circumstances, repeatedly telling myself that it will be alright as long as I am on medication. The problem with this time of uncertainty is that I am not on medication and yet symptoms continue to rage. Psychologically it creates the impression that the disease is progressing and I am doing nothing about it.
Oh well. Thank you once again. Please keep up the good work. Let's all stay encouraged regardless of our circumstances.
Thank you for sharing your story. I remember my own experience waiting for the results of my HIV test in the very early nineties. Back then, you had to wait two weeks, and only one treatment option was available.
After decades of living with HIV and the plethora of tests that come with it, I can only suggest what worked for me and that it's best to stay positive (as you are) and plan your strategies while you have good energy. Try not to focus on the symptoms and keep those stress levels down.
So many of us have been in that same waiting-for-an-answer position that you are in. We are with you, and please let us know how things are going.
Alafia (Peace) I just wanted to check in with you to see how you are doing. I hope your resolve to stay strong remains. Please let us know how you are feeling and how we can continue to support you. Khafre (H-I-V.net Team Member)
