Tools For Loving

By JT Otis, M.Mus.

2 min read

Okay, it seems like you’ve met the right person. They are lovely, kind, generous, gorgeous, and funny. You can't help but to tell your friends about them. There is something genuine in them that you admire. They really do show you love when you least expect it. You care for them.

Featured Forum

View all responses

The intimacy is off the hook as well, both in and out of bed. They’ve told you they are living with HIV and everything is great. They take their medications every day and you may be taking PrEP too in support of your relationship.

What is a mixed-status couple?

This type of relationship has a fancy title in HIV prevention circles. It is called serodiscordant. Serodiscordant couples, or mixed-status couples, are ones in which one partner has HIV and the other does not.

Couples in these relationships have three unique tools for them as they grow their relationship. The HIV positive partner on antiretroviral therapies, the HIV negative partner on PrEP, and condoms are a powerful trifecta of prevention.

Helpful tools

Effective HIV treatment with antiretroviral therapy

These three things are powerful because, first off, HIV positive people on antiretroviral therapies have very little virus circulating in the blood. They have such a low amount of virus that they are virtually undetectable and pose a very low risk of passing on the virus.

However, one needs to be consistent in their regimen and regularly getting care from health providers. So in this case, effective HIV treatment is prevention. Remember, undetectable = untransmittable.

Taking and adhering to PrEP

The second tool is PrEP. Right now, Truvada is the most widely used drug for PrEP, although other drugs have been approved by the FDA and might soon be available to consumers. PrEP is an amazing tool that, when taken daily, can reduce the risk of transmission by about 99% according to the CDC.¹ However, just like antiretroviral therapy, the effectiveness of the treatment corresponds directly with adherence to the daily regimen.

Using condoms

The third tool is condom use. Now to cover all the bases including STIs, condom use is still the only method to prevent other viral and bacterial infections from being transmitted during sex. This is why it is still so important to see a healthcare provider or go to the clinic at least once a year to get tested. Maybe this could be the day to walk into the clinic hand-in-hand and recommit to each other’s health by getting tested together. Then go out to dinner, and end with a romantic evening at home with your partner.

Tools for intimacy and dating

The tools at our disposal are powerful and allow for healthy people to develop close relationships regardless of HIV status. It will still take time to educate the broader public. However, whether you are HIV positive or negative, we all need love and intimacy in this life.
Let’s continue to remember the tools we have at our disposal and continue to live!

Do you and your partner have stories to share about being a mixed-status couple? Let me know below.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The H-I-V.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Join the conversation

Please read our rules before commenting.

caseyh Community Admin
Great piece, JT! An awesome reference guide for mixed-status couples. I like how you broke this down so clearly. I could see this being used as a conversation-starter in many relationship situations. Thank you for putting this into such easy-to-understand words! -Casey, <a href='https://h-i-v.net' target='_blank'>H-I-V.net</a> Team
michael Member
How does someone maintain social distancing with a new boyfriend?
1. caseyh Community Admin
 Hi Michael, this is a great question. I think JT's piece is more hypothetical, especially during the current pandemic. However, if this is something you or someone you know is interested in finding out more about, there are several steps that could be taken to keep safe. Going on dates outside (while keeping up good infection prevention) might be a good idea, as well as checking-in with a doctor or healthcare provider about personal risk as well as a new partner's risk. It may also be possible for both parties to get a COVID-19 viral test (looking for active infection) or an antibody test (looking for past infection). If both are both negative and have been quarantining on their own, there may be steps to take to safely quarantine together. But if the relationship is not at that stage yet, finding unique dates to go on, like being outside, in a park or garden, or even doing something fun online together may be a great way to connect while staying safe. Hope this information is useful for you or anyone else reading! -Casey, <a href='https://h-i-v.net' target='_blank'>H-I-V.net</a> Team
Nicholas Maio Member
Loved this article! Thank you for this.
Khafre Kujichagulia Abif Moderator
Alafia (Peace) <inline-mention username="JT Otis, M.Mus." user-id="2046988"/> I always love to hear about mixed status couples. I have been in one for over twenty years and she remains negative. Khafre (H-I-V.net Team Member)