Pulling out of depression.
Hello,
I'm Joey. I've been diagnosed since May 2023.
I didn't realize My symptoms till it was later in My infection.
I found out after transmission to My partner. They were tested, and so was I. Both were positive. Yet My Cd4 was at 290 giving signs it was all My fault.
I have a hard time living with this. We are no longer together obviously.
I just don't understand why I didn't see any signs in Myself before I "ruined somebodys life"
I haven't tried to meet anyone new nor want to. I'm terrified and saddened by the situation.
I had to leave My job because we worked together and obviously they told everyone and the word of "My infection" spread around work to a point of harassment. I had to resign and I lost all benefits.
I fell off My antiviral therapy back in March of 2024. Have had a hard time feeling like I deserve to be better?
Life has been a continuous smack in the face.
I recently have contracted CMV with Opportunistic Infection (Pneumonia)
Cd4 has dropped to 74.
I am seeking the help needed and looking into therapy. Infectious Disease is looking into Haart.
Im here for a support system.. hopefully someone who can relate might be able to share how they cope or find outlets of liberation.
I'm not going anywhere but I wish I could see brighter days.
Hi
. It is obvious that you have been struggling and it is good that you are now seeking out help and support. You are definitely not alone. Feelings of guilt are not uncommon in the community and people here understand. It may sound trite, but it is important to remember that it does not help to punish yourself over something you were not even aware of. This community is definitely here for you, but you are also taking the right step in looking into therapy. I want to share with you this article from our patient leader Heather Renee on just this topic: https://h-i-v.net/living/find-therapist. Also, our contributors and editorial team have written a number of articles on support, such as this one on finding support when newly diagnosed (I understand you are not newly diagnosed, but you really are at a starting point): https://h-i-v.net/answers/support-newly-diagnosed.
Also, I noticed you mentioned HAART and taking steps to take care of your health is also an excellent step. This Forum page offers information on HIV and CMV: https://h-i-v.net/forums/hiv-cmv. Self-care, both the physical and emotional, is so important for overall health. You (and everyone here) deserve support and care. Best, Richard (Team Member)
