I Am A Woman Aging, Just Like You

In 1997, I received my HIV diagnosis. I am in awe that I have lived this long, especially because in the beginning I did not think I would make it past the first year.

Could I live a full life with HIV?

In the 1990s, I carried many fears.

One of my biggest fears was leaving my 6-year-old daughter, but over time those fears slowly began to fade. Once I realized that I could truly live a full life with HIV, my whole perspective changed. I began to see myself differently. Today, I am grateful to be here and grateful to simply live life.

As I age, I'm faced with different fears

Now that I am aging with HIV, some fears are starting to return. These fears are not the same as they were in the beginning. They come from noticing changes in my body as a woman who is getting older and wondering what comes next.

Many of us living with HIV for 20 to 30+ years are now dealing with comorbidities more than with HIV itself. In other words, HIV is no longer always the main concern. I remember one of my doctors telling me that I should be more worried about getting hit by a car than worrying about HIV. It made me laugh, but it also showed me how much treatment and life expectancy have changed over the years.

Aging with HIV means many people living with HIV who are aging - as well as those who were born with HIV - are now growing into adulthood and beyond. Many people are living so much longer than we all expected.

What we saw as a fatal diagnosis has now become a manageable chronic condition for many.

HIV, aging, and other health conditions

Aging with HIV as a woman can bring challenges^1,2:

• Diabetes
• Bone loss
• Joint pain
• Dental problems
• High blood pressure
• Memory changes
• Kidney disease
• Cancer

Just to name a few. These are real concerns for many women, and we can feel a bit overwhelmed sometimes. In my own life, I have extreme anemia off and on, I am prediabetic, I have dental issues, I deal with some joint pain, and let’s not talk about menopause.

Menopause affects women living with HIV differently, and sometimes even more severe, than women who are not living with HIV.³ My hot flashes and night sweats are so severe that I do not get much sleep like I used to, and I know I am not the only woman dealing with this.

Do all these changes scare me? Of course they do, but none of that has stopped me from enjoying life.

What helps me cope while aging with HIV?

Staying engaged in my healthcare

What helps me most is staying engaged in my care. I make sure to keep my doctor’s appointments, follow up with specialists when needed, and ask a lot of questions. I have been on several hormone therapies, but nothing has worked quite well yet.

Paying attention to my whole body

I have learned, as a woman aging with HIV, it's important to pay attention to my whole body, not just the virus. It also means giving ourselves some kind of grace, being proactive about our health, and refusing to let fear take over.

Acknowledging the differences between aging women and men

It can also come with depression and loneliness, something people do not like to talk about, but this is a reality for us women. Although there are many people aging with HIV, I know that being a woman living with this virus means my experiences aging with HIV can be very different from a man’s experience who is aging.

Although I face challenges today, I never thought I'd live this long with HIV

I know there is still some happiness to be found in all women who are growing older through the years. Aging with HIV may come with other challenges, but it can also be a reminder of our resilience. For those of us who once doubted we would live this long, every year is something beautiful to hold on to.

And although it can seem hard on some days, ladies, I want you to still remind yourself that you are here for a reason. Especially when we never thought we would see ourselves getting older. I know I didn’t see it at first. And I never imagined that having conversations about aging or retirement would even be part of my life.

Yet here we all are still living, still pushing forward, and still finding ways to smile through it all.

In the face of uncertainty, there is still hope

Beauties, I think aging with HIV also teaches us to appreciate our lives differently. Living with HIV, our bodies have carried us through so much over the years, and now many of us are learning how to give ourselves the same care, patience, and compassion that we have spent so much time giving to others in the community and in our families.

At the end of the day, aging with HIV as a woman is not just about growing older with a virus; it’s about continuing to live life even though we have uncertainties.

And for me personally, every single year I am still here is a reminder that HIV did not take my future the way I once thought it would.