Reclaiming My Life After My Diagnosis

Being a woman is already hard enough with the constant reminders in many spaces of how we are not valued as much as men. Add being HIV positive and being Black...and it can feel almost impossible.

I had so many questions

Living as a woman with HIV, makes you consider every detail of your life through a different lens. I remember wondering, "since I am HIV positive, will my children be? Will I be able to have children, period? Will people be able to understand? How will I date with HIV? Where will I find support? Will I have support? Will I be alone?" These were the questions that raced through my mind the moment I was diagnosed.

My biggest fear after finding out my status was that all of the close contact with my son may have exposed him in some way. What if I had unknowingly passed this on to him?

Learning about HIV gave me piece of mind

First of all, the best advice I ever received is to breathe! No seriously, stop overthinking and just take a breath. When I went to my first appointment, my doctor told me to “write down every question you have, no matter how small or scary, and come back for answers.” And I did just that. I asked questions about children, oral sex, transmission, my period, and so many other things I was worried about.

Getting those answers helped me gain peace of mind. Part of keeping my head above water was confiding in those that I trusted—my inner circle of friends and family. Finding support in those I loved helped me figure out what other type of support I needed to move forward.

What I've learned so far

Here is what I learned after starting a successful regimen, Biktarvy, and becoming undetectable:

• Becoming educated on the topic has not only made it easier for me but also for my family, and future partners.
• Because I am undetectable, I cannot transmit HIV to other people, including my child and future children.
• If I decided to have children, there were extra precautions that my doctor will outline to make everything safe.
• Sometimes people will not understand, and sometimes they will. .. either way, I my worth.
• I have learned that dating with HIV looks remarkably similar to dating before, except it weeds out the people who aren't willing to learn the truth behind the virus.
• Finding family, friends, or a community to lean on is essential when you are feeling alone; and remember, you are never truly alone.
• Smile, even when it’s hard because you are resilient.
• Being a woman is empowering, and you are more than worthy.

Partner with your care team

It's always important to partner with your care team before making any treatment plan changes. I am not a medical professional, and this is my personal journey rather than medical advice. Although I have experience living with HIV, it is always best to consult your own physician to discuss your unique needs and health goals.