Reclaiming My Life After My Diagnosis

Being a woman is already hard enough with the constant reminders in many spaces of how we are not valued as much as men. Add being HIV positive and being Black...and it can feel almost impossible. In fact, according to the CDC, Black women continue to be disproportionately affected by the epidemic, accounting for 54% of new HIV diagnoses among all women in the U.S. despite representing only about 13% of the female population.¹

I had so many questions

Living as a woman with HIV, makes you consider every detail of your life through a different lens. I remember wondering, "Because I am one of the many women with HIV, will my children be positive, too? Will I be able to have children, period? Will people understand my status? How will I date? Where will I find support? Will I be left alone?" These were the questions that raced through my mind the moment I was diagnosed.

My biggest fear after finding out my status was that the close contact with my son may have exposed him in some way. What if I had unknowingly passed this on to him?

Learning about HIV gave me piece of mind

First of all, the best advice I ever received was simply to breathe! Seriously—stop overthinking and just take a breath. When I went to my first appointment, my doctor told me to “write down every question you have, no matter how small or scary, and come back for answers.” I did exactly that. I asked about children, oral sex, transmission, my period, and every other worry weighing on me.

Getting those answers helped me gain peace of mind. Part of keeping my head above water was confiding in the people I trusted—my inner circle of friends and family. Finding support in those I loved helped me figure out what other resources I needed to move forward.

What I've learned so far

After starting a successful regimen (Biktarvy) and becoming undetectable, here is what I have learned about the journey of women with HIV:

• Becoming educated on the topic has not only empowered me but has also made things easier for my family and future partners.
• Because I am undetectable, I cannot transmit HIV to other people, including my child and future children.
• If I decided to have children, there are extra precautions that my doctor will outline to ensure a safe pregnancy.
• Sometimes people will not understand, and sometimes they will. Either way, I know my own worth.
• I have learned that dating with HIV looks remarkably similar to dating before, except it now weeds out the people who aren't willing to learn the truth behind the virus.
• Finding family, friends, or a community to lean on is essential when you feel isolated; remember, you are never truly alone.
• Smile, even when it’s hard because you are resilient.
• Being a woman is empowering, and you are more than worthy.

Partner with your care team

It's always important to partner with your care team before making any treatment plan changes. I am not a medical professional, and this is my personal journey rather than medical advice. Although I have experience living as a woman with HIV, it is always best to consult your own physician to discuss your unique needs and health goals.