a woman shown trapped inside her own head

Finding a Companion in 2021

It's 2021, and we are still in a pandemic. As the days go by, my craving to connect with others in group settings deepens. I never realize how necessary it is for us humans to have in-person interaction.

Earlier this year, I was hospitalized for a blood clot that my birth control caused me. Sadly, I’m grateful I was hospitalized for three days because I was finally interacting with several people. ( I will speak more in-depth about my birth control experience in a later blog.)

Unmet in-person social needs

Living alone during a pandemic didn’t help with my in-person social needs, but it helped my career on social media. I seem to be actually where I want to be in my life. The only thing that’s missing is the presence of another human being's body in the same room as me.

As an adult that works from home and is mindful of the possibility of being exposed to COVID-19, I tend not to know where to go to interact with people. I was always used to going to school or work where I didn’t have to find people; they were just there.

Being selective of who I spend time with

I try to be selective of who I spend my time with during this pandemic, but I am doing that less now because a year isolated from others is way too long. I honestly can’t take another day of it. When writing this blog, I stay at my sister's house for a few days to live beyond just my thoughts.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s essential to sit in your thoughts, but there is a limit to it and doing so for an extended period is unhealthy. My world became my head's thoughts, which makes me feel very closed off from the world.

What role do I want others to play in my life?

Also, it’s difficult selecting people I want to spend time with in person because I’m unsure of what role I want others to play in my life. I’m sex-positive and I’m non-monogamous (to say broadly because most people don’t know what that entitles); everyone defines those terms differently.

What those terms mean to me broadly is that I seek to connect with others without following societal rules around relationships. I would like our connections to develop naturally without pressure to become a stereotypical couple. I don’t even seek coupleship; I go for companionship, which means having company.

What is companionship?

Companionship can range from solely a sexual connection to only an emotional connection, or it can be a combination of both. Every arrangement is different based on what the people and I involved want. (I will also be writing more in-depth about what I seek in a companion in future blogs because there is so much to explain.)

I know my wants are out of the norm, which can cause me to feel unmotivated to pursue them because it can feel like I’m speaking another language that I have to teach others. Nevertheless, if I don’t follow what I want, I will continue to be unhappy with the connections I have with others. So often, I strategize on how I can be more transparent about my needs.

Building a desirable arrangement

It’s a lot of trial-and-error that comes with learning how to build my desirable arrangement, and what makes it more complicated is that I don’t know exactly what it should look like, which is normal. I don’t believe we ever fully know because our needs are constantly changing, and they should.

How I like to contribute to other people’s lives is by caring for and supporting their self-development and wellness, and I hope that the people in my life will do the same for me. Also, I’m completely fine with intended short-term arrangements as long as they are agreed on.

Now that I broke down what I’m seeking in a companion, in my next blog, I will talk about my Facebook dating bio and how I format it to start the conversation that will bring what I’m seeking to the forefront of beginning an arrangement with someone.

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