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Non disclosed HIV partner

I’ve been on and off with a man for 8 years. He is older but since I’ve known him always taken some medications. As I’ve become older & wiser I looked into the meds he is taking and asked him what they were for. He said his had lungs but research on meds & his Dr name all directs me to HIV.
I asked him directly and he has chosen to ignore me and not respond whatsoever so I assume my suspicions were correct.
My question is I’ve had annual HIV tests but do not know if I was specifically tested for HIV. I’ve organised a test now however if a positive person is in medication am I at risk still?

  1. Annual STI tests I meant

    1. I am so glad you asked, and we're here for you if you have any questions about testing as well. Those who are living with HIV may, through medication, reduce their viral load so much that it becomes undetectable (their doctor would check their viral load regularly), and in that case they cannot transmit HIV sexually. This is sometimes referred to as "Undetectable=Untransmittable" (U=U) or "Treatment as Prevention" (TasP). More on that here: https://h-i-v.net/clinical/treatment-is-prevention

      Let us know how your test turns out. I know there are some on this site who are not living with HIV and have sexual relationships with people who are living with HIV, and they have a lot to share about understanding the judgment and stigma their partners face and how that can impact how they talk about things. This might be a good place to start if you're looking for stories like that: https://h-i-v.net/living/mixed-status-couples

      Please keep us updated, especially if there is any other info we can provide!

      Liz (Team Member)


    2. my tests came back negative and yes I will re-test again in 3 months. I also tracked down last 15 years records to check dates of HIV tests luckily have had several in the decade ive known my ex partner all were negative so I’m feeling calmer for it

  2. Alafia (Peace) Liz has provided you with some great resources. Like she shared, if he is taking hiv meds daily he very well might be undetectable. I suggest you go get tested for HIV as soon as possible. Please stay connected to us so we can support you either way. Khafre (H-I-V.net Team Member)

    1. I'm so glad you reached out. Discovering your partners HIV status can be difficult. There can be a lot of internalized stigma which makes it difficult to share even with the people closest to you. I'm glad you are getting tested. I have been in a mixed status relationship for 24 years during which I've been undetectable for the entire time. We are here for you, please stay in touch.

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