I Stopped Blaming My Partner: Living with HIV for 5 years

By lilmelissa83

1 min read

I have been living with HIV for 5 years now. At first I was devastated thought I was going to die. But finding this woman Jen Vaughn on YouTube saved me.

Jen Vaugn's Youtube channel inspired me

Her story really helped me get through my first year. As the years went on I had held a ridiculous grudge against my partner for giving me this. But I came to realize it was just my fault as his.

I was an adult why was I blaming him for the whole thing? Yes he had sex with other men, and no, he is not gay. But I felt bad for blaming him for it. I really wasn't being supportive for his situation as well.

I stopped shaming my partner

I take my part in getting HIV, it's not all his because he had sex with me I am a grown woman and no matter the situation I could of said to use protection but I didn't.

I stopped blaming him and shaming him for his sexual encounters. As of today I'm more respectful to his situation and I don't label him gay or down low.

My relationship is better now

Just like he doesn't label me for being promiscuous. Our relationship has gotten stronger and we are an HIV couple who support one another I couldn't be happier to go through this journey with him. The last two years have been pretty good and so far HIV hasn't stopped either of us from traveling, working, or any of the normal day to day so I can say life is pretty good now

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Richard Faust Community Admin
Hi <inline-mention username="lilmelissa83" user-id="2047392"/>. Thank you so much for sharing your story. It is a great example of learning to look forward instead of back. I know we have traded messages before and your growth and strength come shining through. I also want to note that you definitely are not alone here in being part of an HIV positive couple. Two of our patient leaders, Robert and Jerilyn Ward, happen to be a married HIV positive couple. You can see their bio page here: <a href='https://h-i-v.net/community/community-advocates/robert-jerilyn-ward' target='_blank'>https://h-i-v.net/community/community-advocates/robert-jerilyn-ward</a>, which also has links to their articles. Please always feel free to come here to share, ask questions, and let us know if there are topics you would like to see more about. Best, Richard (Team Member)
Robert Brunet Moderator
<inline-mention username="lilmelissa83" user-id="2047392"/>, It takes so much courage to share what we have been through, and I was touched by your willingness to be vulnerable. I also had to move past learning that my partner had not shared with me their HIV status. Being able to forgive takes the most incredible strength during the most challenging time, but I'm glad you found it. I want you to know that telling your story helps many who feel alone in this very situation, so thank you. Robert Brunet - (Team Member)
lilmelissa83 Member
Thank you I hope my story can help someone, your right it was hard to forgive but I try to remember to accept my part in my situation . Thank you so much for your kind comment 😊
Khafre Kujichagulia Abif Moderator
Alafia (Peace) What a way to free yourself from the many conflicting thoughts around a new diagnosis. It sounds amazing that the relationship with your partner has grown stronger. Thank you for connecting with us at <a href='https://h-i-v.net' target='_blank'>H-I-V.net</a>. Khafre (H-I-V.net Team Member)