As I Age with HIV, Dating and Intimacy Still Matter

I am 56 years old, have been married twice while living with HIV, and have now been divorced from my second husband for 3 years.

Every now and then, I ask myself, Will I ever get married again?

To be honest, I don't know. But what I do know is that I have not given up on love. Do I get lonely? Not as much as I thought I would. I have learned to be okay with me.

What would life look like after my divorce?

When my second marriage ended, it hit me with shock. I was not looking for another relationship right away. Divorce can be hard, and I needed time to heal and figure out what life looked like again.

I was nervous about getting back out there and dating. It had been a while, and so much had changed.

Dating has changed, but I prefer to meet someone in person

For me, dating has become more difficult as I've gotten older because I do not hang out anymore like I did in my 20s and 30s. Back then, it seemed much easier to meet people. Today, my life looks different.

Since I am not out as much, it makes it much harder to meet someone. These days, it seems like everyone wants to use dating apps, and honestly, that just is not for me. Maybe I am old fashioned, but I still believe in meeting someone naturally. Whether it is through friends, at an event, or just out living life, that feels more comfortable to me.

In fact, finding someone the old fashioned way has really become harder than disclosing my HIV status.

The way I disclose my HIV status has changed, too

One thing that has changed over the years is how I feel about disclosing my HIV status. In the beginning, I worried about how someone might react or whether they would accept me.

Today, I do not get nervous telling a man that I am living with HIV.

After living with HIV for nearly 3 decades, it has become a part of my journey. If someone cannot accept that, then I know they are not the right person for me.

I have never put myself in a box because I am living with HIV. For example, throughout the years, I've usually dated men who were not living with HIV.

I've always believed that HIV should not limit who I choose to date. This is just one part of who I am; it has never determined who I open my heart to.

We are aging, but that doesn't mean we stop dating or having sex

At 56, I don't need butterflies anymore.

Give me peace. Give me honesty. Give me someone who communicates, respects me, and brings a calm into my life instead of confusion.

Butterflies eventually settle down anyway. But peace last so much longer.

Aging does not mean we stop having sex. It does not mean we stop wanting companionship, affection, or love. For some of us reading this, we are still women, and those desires do not disappear because we celebrated another birthday.

To me, aging means something different. Aging means I have matured.

I know what I want, and I definitely know what I do not want.

I've learned to stop settling for less than I deserve just because I do not want to be alone. I value my quiet time too much for that today.

Aging has also given me the confidence to stop worrying about whether someone will choose me and to start asking myself if they are someone I want to choose.

After all, intimacy isn't just about sex

Living with HIV has taught me that life is too precious to spend it with someone who cannot accept all of me.

Intimacy is about much more than sex. Yes, sex is important, but so is enjoying each other's company, laughing together, creating memories, and building a real connection with someone who brings joy into your life.

If love comes my way again, I will welcome it with open arms. But I am no longer searching for love or companionship out of loneliness.

I am waiting for someone who complements the life I have already built for myself. Until that happens, I will continue enjoying my life and believing that growing older has given me one of the greatest gifts of all, and that’s the confidence to choose someone wisely.