4 Ways I Brought Quality Time Back Into My Relationship

My husband, Scott, and I have survived living in separate states, being displaced by a hurricane, and the challenges of living openly in an increasingly hostile world.

On top of all that, I am HIV positive, and he is not, which brings its own set of challenges.

Recently, life has felt tougher than ever. With:

• high-stress jobs
• home repairs
• Scott's cancer treatments
• And my struggling T-cells after radiation therapy...

The world has been scary and serious, and for a while we forgot how to have fun like we used to.

I realized this while looking at old photos. In my hands, there's photographic proof, in our smiles, that we were enjoying ourselves despite all the setbacks. So, we revisited what made those moments special.

Here are 4 ways we jumped back into the fun.

1. Don’t be afraid to be silly

It’s the ultimate cure for seriousness. When we laugh, the world's weight eases. Doing a goofy dance, acting foolishly, or even repeating lines from our favorite comedians can revitalize our spirits.

I watch for the right moment for these little laughs, sometimes holding onto a joke for a bit before I share it with him.

But even on a chemo day, things can be funny, and sometimes the time we need to giggle the most.

2. Get plans on the calendar

I’ve never been great at planning things. Scott loves having something scheduled to look forward to. I like to be spontaneous and surprised. He wants to know exactly what is going to be happening.

No matter which path we take, it’s important to commit to doing ‘something’. I’ll search for ‘100 free things to do in town’ or, when he mentions something, I’ll jot it down in my phone and come back to it later.

I also pay close attention to his treatment cycle and try to take time off when his energy levels are up so we can catch a movie or go on a dinner date.

3. Make ordinary things special

It’s nice to dress up and treat things like the first time we're meeting, whether it’s going out for a meal, catching a movie, or just driving to the ice cream shop.

Since we’ve been together for 30 years, that can be the most challenging part, but trying new places we’ve never been helps us with a fresh frame of mind.

We make an effort not to rehash work talk or things we have to get done around the house. Talking about things we’ve done in the past or want to do in the future keeps the mood light.

And a compliment on how nice he looks makes the time together a little more romantic.

4. Last but not least, make "doing nothing" count

Now that we are older and faced with various health issues, we don’t always feel like "doing something." A little forethought can make an afternoon on the couch memorable.

One of us will find a new movie to watch or revisit an old favorite. Ordering a surprise meal or grabbing a favorite snack so no one has to worry about "what's for dinner" is a nice surprise. I’ll pick up facial masks or set out the head massager to help us relax.

Sometimes I’ll light a candle, and we’ll sit there quietly holding hands, and it’s the most enjoyable thing I’ve done all week.

Just being together is at the core of all our fun.